“ME” — written by Jay
“ We try our best to adapt to a character that we imagine and then pursue it until we are satisfied, but the question is how long will you last living in that somebody else when the real you has already lost trying to impress the numerous unknown people around you “ — Nobody wrote this, I came up with it.
That feeling when you meet a new person, where both of your mind sparks crap ton of questions and curiosity that runs through your body to reach the heart is amazing. That is something this person has felt only once and is craving more for it.
“ME” is written by JAY (that’s me who’s typing this on a crappy keyboard at 11:36 PM). ME wanted to join medium for a long time, but couldn’t do it cause of the nervousness on what to share to this competitive world of readers and writers. A little note — everything here is unfiltered and so do the future stories as well.
STORY
There are times when we can’t see clearly whether we are doing everything in our possession to create a seamless beautiful life for ourselves. Sometimes it works while the remaining odds are favoring the horrible side of bad lucks and decisions. ME is on the latter side and it’s questionable why is this still going strong.
“They say fake it till you make it”, well ME did that and it didn’t worked out for him. One can show pity or give advice but in the end, it can’t be challenged again until that person has regained their strength. However, there is one problem that still haunts everyone…
“How much can you do it alone ?”
ME was or maybe is still an introvert as he couldn’t find that answer. ME is trying hard to be an approachable person but it’s hard for him to adjust to normal tasks and activities. There is one thing about him that makes a difference is that there’s still a kid living inside and outside of him and it doesn’t disappoint. That’s a rare trait nowadays as people are whining that “they are growing up and you should too !”. I know ME from his childhood and I can confidently close my eyes and say that he’s still an emotional person. The feelings that he feels are much more darker and grittier than anyone else.
We all love ourselves first and there’s no shame in that process because that’s what makes us stronger to start a battle with life. ME developed self-love and curiosity at an early age of 19 and I think he’s proud of that. At that early age, one can figure out their life, right? NOPE. Things didn’t go well for ME as self-love didn’t help him and left him hopeless as the world had a different plan for him.
He is an Art Designer and UI/UX artist and wanted to learn oil painting. Well, he was a designer and a UI expert as he lost his interest in everything. It’s funny how we learn new things but then shit happens and we lose all the drops of hard work in just a matter of seconds.
ME doesn’t know what he wants to do anymore. He’s stumbling from one end to the other with just a handful of energy left within him. He has the most weirdest OCD that anyone can imagine. He can’t resist if the objects in front of him are not parallel to each other or at least 90' straight to his eyesight.
He never made plans for the future as it always failed nonetheless.
ME practiced a British accent in late 2016 and was able to remember when to use it. He also learned a little bit of French with the help of the app Duolingo, but eventually, he lost his interest here as well and left both of them from his memory.
He had a lot of ambitions but lost them due to the failures that kept repeating on him like an infinity loop. He may not be a good-looking fella but neither a bad one too. It’s hard to justify as the society nowadays only cares about attractive peoples (#truth)
One funny thing that I like about him is his total and not so normal 35 teeth’s. Yes, instead of 32 he’s got 3 more for some unknown reason.
The way he managed to find his strength with the help of a friend was astonishing for him. He learned a lot from her friend as she was one hell of a badass bitch. She was from Singapore so maybe that had helped him to look at things differently and to see how far you can reach when you have a supporting person with their own experience.
He learned to not give a shit about other’s opinions towards him and continued with his actions despite the frowning of people around him, circling like a bunch of pigeons.
When asked how would he describes himself, this is what he said — “ I describe myself a secretly complex and deeply emotional person and no I’m not ashamed to admit it “. But the reality is that he’s a ******* person (sorry, couldn’t type that as it’s supposed to be a trait that only you can figure it out in person with him)
ME has done so many things that scared him just so the self-confidence can start growing like a tree, some of them worked wonders while others didn’t.
However, it doesn’t mean he has no weakness that sheds him down to tears. He has been exposed to mostly negative stuff throughout his life until now. He gave up quite a few times and he talks to himself a lot. This doesn’t surprise someone as we all go through these hard times. It was supposed to be over at this point in his life, yet it’s growing strong.
After facing this and countless other issues, ME is finally learning to become unattached.
The worst things ME has faced is the loneliness. Yes, the good old enemy of human beings. So where does that leave him? Well, he tried everything but it still never worked for him. He keeps questioning his mental health nowadays and is unable to find an answer to why people ignore him or are not interested. It’s possible that he has the concept of friendship all wrong. He is so socially awkward that he doesn’t know how to have friends. He needs help but it’s kind of late now as he’s swimming in that pool of unhealthy thoughts.
The best thing however is small but the size doesn’t matter, what matters is the impact that the person feels after completing or taking that action. His journal is the force that keeps him in the middle of being happy and depressed. I think the Journal deserves a whole separate story!
He also doesn’t make promises when he’s happy as it leads to unfulfillment or avoiding it which can create a mindset of tiny failure.
ME is working on being okay with his failures, his imperfections, accepting whatever kinds of thoughts that are running in his brain, and his unemployment (36 rejections have made him hit the stop button :) )
ME doesn’t like to show off to others, he tried to stay calm and learn the struggles of ignoring bullshit. He also gets attached to others easily but in return, no one else cares enough about him.
The end ?
So what’s up with this ME guy ? why is he so sad and lost but not giving up? His story is written from a third-person perspective to keep it as harsh and brutal as it is.
Don’t worry he is not a psychopath nor a useless weirdo 🙂. He’s just a little lost without any people around him to help or challenge. Kind of like we all have been at some point in our boring life, he is lost cause he doesn’t have any experience to be normal like you (yes, you). It’s okay cause he doesn’t believe in hope as it’s easy to breathe a little in this place surrounded by unforgiving people.
Where does that put ME anyway? What does he wants to do ?…
He wants to love his fucking life. He wants to take pictures of everything that he can seize. He wants to tell people that he loves them and wishes to be in their stories if they allow him. He wants to talk to random strangers. Hell, he wants to do everything possible because everyone is living in their repeating cycle of boredom. He wants to take his life and make it the best story he could. He doesn’t want to waste that shit, but he’s tired to do it alone by himself.
So who’s exactly ME?
….
Well, I’m glad you asked.
Kindly replace ME with Jay and read again.
